If you’ve gone through a separation or divorce, you may have experienced the challenges of navigating unhealthy family dynamics—especially with narcissistic family relationships. One phrase you may hear repeatedly is the old saying, “Blood is thicker than water.” This proverb is often used to promote family loyalty over friendships and other relationships. However, if your family includes narcissistic or toxic members, this phrase may do more harm than good.
For women who come from narcissistic families or are dealing with manipulative narcissistic family relationships post-divorce, this phrase can feel like a heavy weight, keeping you stuck in unhealthy patterns. It plays on guilt and the mistaken belief that family bonds must be prioritized, even when those bonds are damaging.
In this article, we’ll explore why the proverb “blood is thicker than water” can be harmful in narcissistic family relationships and how to protect yourself emotionally and mentally from the manipulations of toxic family members.
Understanding Narcissistic Family Relationships
First, it’s important to understand what makes a family “narcissistic.” Narcissistic family relationships and dynamics are often centered around control, manipulation, and power. A narcissistic parent or sibling may be obsessed with maintaining authority, often at the expense of the emotional well-being of others in the family. They lack empathy, thrive on creating chaos, and often use guilt and shame to keep family members under their control.
For women who’ve gone through a divorce, returning to a narcissistic family can be especially difficult. These family members may undermine your recovery, diminish your self-worth, or even resent the progress you’ve made in rebuilding your life. When people in narcissistic family relationships use the phrase “blood is thicker than water,” they are reinforcing the idea that no matter how badly they treat you, you must remain loyal simply because they are family.
The Origins of “Blood is Thicker Than Water”
The phrase “blood is thicker than water” has been around since the 1100s, originally meaning that family bonds should take precedence over other types of relationships, like friendships or romantic connections. In theory, it suggests that family will always support you more than anyone else. However, this sentiment can be weaponized in narcissistic family relationships, where loyalty is expected without consideration for your emotional well-being.
In a healthy family system, this proverb might hold some truth—family should support, encourage, and protect one another. But for those who come from toxic or narcissistic family backgrounds, the reality is very different. Narcissistic family members often use this phrase as a way to manipulate you, making you feel guilty for wanting to distance yourself or establish boundaries.
Why “Blood is Thicker Than Water” Feels So Harmful in Narcissistic Families
For women who’ve grown up in a narcissistic family or are trying to navigate life post-divorce while dealing with manipulative family members, this proverb can feel like an emotional trap. Narcissistic family members may lean on this saying to excuse their toxic behaviors. It’s used as a “get out of jail free card,” allowing them to mistreat you while expecting your undying loyalty in return.
In a narcissistic family relationship, this phrase reinforces the idea that no matter how much emotional abuse, gaslighting, or manipulation you’ve endured, you owe them your time, energy, and devotion simply because of the blood relationship. This can leave you feeling guilty and conflicted, especially if you’ve begun to distance yourself from the toxicity.
Even after a divorce, when you’re trying to rebuild your life, a narcissistic family member may try to pull you back into the dysfunction by reminding you that “blood is thicker than water.” This can create a cycle of guilt and emotional confusion, preventing you from truly moving forward.
The Emotional Impact of Narcissistic Family Relationships
The toll of narcissistic family relationships can be profound, especially for women who are trying to heal from a difficult marriage or divorce. Narcissistic family members often sabotage your emotional recovery by minimizing your accomplishments, invalidating your feelings, or criticizing your decisions.
The phrase “blood is thicker than water” only adds to the emotional burden, reinforcing the idea that no matter how much harm they cause, you must continue to engage with them. This dynamic can lead to feelings of isolation, shame, and grief as you realize that the people who should support you the most are the ones undermining your healing.
Many women in this situation experience grief over the loss of what could have been. The realization that you didn’t have a safe, nurturing family as a child—and that these patterns have continued into adulthood—can be devastating. You may grieve the lack of unconditional love, the missed opportunities for connection, and the emotional safety you never had.
Creating Boundaries in Narcissistic Family Relationships
One of the most powerful ways to protect yourself from the emotional manipulation of narcissistic family relationships is to set and enforce boundaries. Establishing boundaries allows you to take control of your emotional space and prevents toxic family members from draining your energy.
After a divorce, this becomes even more critical. As you navigate your new life, you need emotional energy to rebuild your confidence, self-worth, and future. Boundaries can help you preserve this energy by limiting the influence of narcissistic family members.
Setting boundaries might include limiting the time you spend with certain family members, avoiding conversations that lead to guilt-tripping or manipulation, and ensuring that your emotional needs come first.
Action Step:
Make a list of boundaries that feel necessary for your emotional well-being. These could be as simple as limiting phone calls, choosing not to engage in toxic conversations, or only attending family events that feel safe.
Finding Support Outside Your Family
While “blood is thicker than water” may feel like an obligation, it’s important to remember that healthy support systems can come from outside your family. Many separated and divorced women find that friends, colleagues, and even support groups provide the emotional validation and encouragement they need—sometimes more so than their own families.
Building a “chosen family” can offer the sense of belonging and support that you may not have received from your family of origin. These relationships are often more genuine, free from manipulation, and grounded in mutual respect.
It’s okay to find your family in friends who lift you up, encourage your progress, and respect your boundaries. Members from narcissistic family relationships might resent your friendships, but healthy relationships will celebrate your growth.
Healing from the Guilt of Narcissistic Family Relationships
Breaking free from a narcissistic family relationship is not easy. The emotional manipulation and guilt can feel overwhelming, especially when phrases like “blood is thicker than water” are used against you. However, it’s important to recognize that true family support comes from people who celebrate your successes, respect your boundaries, and encourage your healing.
Healing begins when you stop allowing toxic family members to dictate your emotional well-being. By embracing healthy friendships, setting boundaries, and grieving the loss of the supportive family you didn’t have, you can begin to reclaim your life.
Your worth is not tied to your family’s approval. You deserve relationships that empower and uplift you, whether they are “blood” or not.
Conclusion: Reclaiming Your Emotional Freedom
For separated and divorced women navigating narcissistic family dynamics, the proverb “blood is thicker than water” can feel like a weight around your neck. It’s a tool of manipulation used to reinforce unhealthy family bonds and guilt you into remaining stuck. However, by recognizing the emotional toll of narcissistic family relationships, you can begin to break free from these toxic patterns.
Setting boundaries, finding support outside your family, and grieving the loss of a nurturing childhood are all steps you can take toward emotional freedom. Remember, the people who truly love and support you will respect your boundaries, celebrate your achievements, and encourage your healing.
You don’t owe loyalty to those who harm you, even if they are family. Choose to surround yourself with people—whether family or friends—who genuinely want the best for you. In doing so, you’ll create a support system that’s far healthier than the manipulative dynamics of a narcissistic family.
